Ever wonder what it would feel like to be unapologetic? I don't mean being a jerk or being insensitive to those around you. 

An unapologetic leader is someone who is confident in what they are doing and moving forward with purpose. In my work as an executive coach, one of the common missteps I see with leaders is that they often second guess themselves. This second guessing causes spin which then trickles down to others in the organization and can cause a lot of churn. It also can cause unnecessary stress to the leader themselves as they tend to move into more of a reactive instead of proactive mode. 

For those leaders who embrace an unapologetic mindset, you see a marked difference in their behavior. 

Below are 8 behaviors that you can shift in order to adopt this mindset:

1. Be direct in your communication - Before communicating in a group setting, think through what you want to say. Begin with your end point and then follow up with your rationale. 
2. Don't beat yourself up when something goes wrong - Unapologetic leaders know that things will go wrong and that it is most important to focus on how to handle it and what to learn from it than it is to wallow in it.
3. Don't second guess everything - While it is important to be open to different ways of thinking and adopting different strategies, it is also important to be confident in your decisions and why you chose to take the path that you did. 
4. Prioritize your tasks - Either you will plan your day or others will plan it for you. Having a proactive mindset is crucial to being an unapologetic leader. Work on what is most important first thing in the morning.
5. Set both modest and stretch goals - Unapologetic leaders know that small wins add up to big success. They also know that you need to step outside of your comfort zone and stretch in order to reach new levels.
6. Reframe internal conversations - Our inner critic can be brutal. Unapologetic leaders have awareness of their thoughts and shift them towards being productive instead of destructive.
7. Celebrate achievements - So often we'll achieve a big goal and have so many other things going on that we forget to stop and celebrate. Unapologetic leaders know the value in recognizing these achievements in ourselves and in others.

Why is it important to be unapologetic at work? 
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In my experience, when leaders shift to a unapologetic mindset, they see the below shifts:

• They become more confident in their work
• There is an absence of gloom and doom
• They take more risks
• They are more creative
• They become better at their job

​Where can you begin to adopt the above behaviors in your day to day? Could you experiment with being unapologetic in one meeting and see what it feels like? Give it a try and let me know what you find in the comments.

I once asked attendees in a workshop I was leading to describe someone who they felt was influential.
Here are some of the quotes:

• “They have a lot of clout.”
• “They engage vs. just inform.”
• “They are persuasive and have a strong point of view.”

​Think about someone you know either personally or professionally who you deem as influential, how would you describe them?

As an executive coach, the skill of being “influential” is something that is my clients often desire to hone in themselves. After all, if you can’t influence others with your ideas, how can you lead?

But how do you build the skill of influence, especially when sometimes, you feel like an imposter inside?
​
There are 3 components to building influence; trust, creditability and personal relationships.

Trust

​Have you ever listened to or followed the advice of someone you did not trust? Of course not. Why would you? Trust is the cornerstone of influence.

But how do you build trust? I believe that trust comes through time and consistent interactions. Some ways to build trust within your team or organization is to ask yourselves the below questions:

• Am I honest when I don’t know the answer to something?
• Are my words consistent with my actions?
• Am I talking behind people’s backs?
• Do I give honest and direct feedback, even when it’s hard to do?

These are some of the ways to build up trust in your organization — saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

Credibility

Credibility is about reliability. When you are experiencing “imposter syndrome” (no, you are not alone, most if not all leaders I know have experienced this), it can be hard to feel credible. You may be asking yourself questions like, “What do I know about this topic?”, “Surely there must be others who know way more about this than I do.”

But credibility does not mean you are the ultimate expert. It means that you consistently and reliably show up prepared and with a point of view. It means you have an opinion that is well thought through and that moves the conversation forward for others.

Next time you are in a group meeting at work, think about what questions or opinions you can share that you believe will help your coworkers to see things in a new way.

Personal Relationships

Let’s face it, we listen to people we like. If I don’t like or respect you, I’m most likely not going to be influenced by you or your opinion.

I’m not saying that you should be in the business of making everyone like you. Far from it. What I am saying is that it is important to build a level of rapport with those you work with.

This could look like making sure you do “drive bys” with your peers for a quick hello. Grabbing lunch with a leader you respect in another department. Getting to know those on your team a little better.

Know that building influence takes time and dedication. It doesn’t happen overnight and it doesn’t happen without putting your attention to it. But by building trust, credibility and personal relationships with others, you will be on your way to influencing others with your great ideas!

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Can I get an "Amen"?

I came across this quote the other day on Pinterest and wanted to stand up to do a fist pump. If there is one lesson that is becoming more and more clear as I round the hill closer to 40, it is this.

The people you surround yourself with matter more than almost anything else.

The busier I become in my life with kids and my business, the more precious my time has become. I no longer have time for relationships that drain me or make me question myself or plainly just lower my energy.

Sometimes this means that I need to step out of my comfort zone and create community. Sometimes it means staying home by myself reading an inspiring book rather than going to an obligatory dinner because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. Sometimes it means building friendships online who share common interests. 

But in all of it, it includes choice.

When my son was asking me the other day about marriage, I explained to him that he will choose someone that he loves to be around and that he would want to spend time with for the rest of his life. He sat silently for a minute looking out the window and then said, "Mom, I want to marry you." (That boy knows how to make his mom cry!)

But it made me think about how not only do I want to surround myself with inspiring people but how do I BE the person that other people want to be around? 

And I do it by surrounding myself with people who up my game. Whether that be in the form of friendships, the clients I choose to work with, the coach I hire to support me, the authors I choose to read or the videos I choose to watch. I am a member of a Lean In Circle with women who are kicking ass in the world and who come together once a month to support each other in our goals and dreams. We call it our own "women's golf course", where deals and dreams happen. 

Everything and everyone that you let into your space matters. It shapes you. It affects you. And I am becoming wildly protective of my space. 

Take responsibility for the energy you bring." - Jill Bolte Taylor

If you notice that the people around you are not that interesting or inspiring, it's time to look at yourself. Everything starts with ourselves. Make different choices. Think different thoughts. Act from love and not from fear. Pursue what you really love and not what you think will other people think you should be doing. 

​Make authentic personal growth a priority in your life. 

Don't know how to do that? Get guidance. 

Inspiration is everywhere. 

Love is everywhere.

People are doing very cool things everywhere.

And people are judging people who are doing cool things.

Which one do you want to be around?

​There is a theme I have been noticing lately. Both in myself and in my clients.

It is practicing patience.

We want what we want NOW.

The dream job. The partner. The success. 

Now. Now. Now.

And why shouldn't we? Everything else we want we get immediately.

Amazon has same day delivery.

We watch an entire tv season by streaming it on our computers in one sitting. 

What we want, when we want it.

All of this is wonderful.

Except...

Except...

How is it hurting us otherwise?

While technology allows things to come to us more quickly, what about experiences? 

The experience of love?

Websites like match.com have built a business around this. Want to meet the love of your life? Find them NOW by scrolling through a database to choose from. You could be on a date with them tomorrow!

But can you expedite love?

Can you speed delivery a sense purpose?

And what about success? Can that be overnighted to you?

To answer these questions, I turn to one of my greatest teachers, yoga.

I've been practicing yoga for 12 years now. 

And this week, I was able to do a pose for the first time. 

It's called Crooked Sage or Eight Angle pose. (Pictured below via yoga journal - not me in the picture!)